Dec. 5
Dots in December Tour. Day 1.
One of those plastic hotels close to Cologne Airport…. A nice first show at Helios 37 before a warm, friendly audience. I spent part of the show tottering on one leg due to small sliver of glass that the cleaner missed and I must thank Frankie who yanked it out of my suffering heel. Its pouring outside but a mere two hour drive to Frankfurt (Cave) tomorrow…..
Dec 6
Dots in December Tour. Day 2.
Frankfurt. A city we always enjoy playing in which is a lot to do with the kind promoter (Frank) who treats us so well. A packed little underground cavern tonight and we made it into The Zone early. Still slowly landing …..Munich (Backstage) tomorrow.
Dec 7
Dots December Tour. Day 3.
Munich. A challenging night at the Backstage Club. There was no house lighting engineer so we performed in the unforgiving glare of light blue and yellow. Sometimes it felt like a loud shopping spree in the supermarket wearing just underpants (apologies for the grotesque imagery). After the show the whole Backstage complex turned into Party Zone for hours as we attempted to load the equipment surrounded by drunken bright young things painfully attempting smart one-liners as they chomped on the curry wurst. It’s morning as I type this. 4 hours to Prague for us today. Enjoy the weekend sisters and brothers……
Dec 8
Dots December Tour. Day 4.
Prague. A truly fine night in a packed basement and memories flooded back of my first visit to the city in the late 70s. I needed a visa back then plus a fistful of Cedok vouchers so I could secure a hotel room and some Czech Crowns. Trouble is, the train from Berlin didn’t take me to the Centre and I found myself on a platform on the outskirts of the city desperately seeking advice as to what I needed to do next. Happily a girl named Wesselinka came to my rescue, guided me on to the right train and took me to the office of the National Travel Agency (Cedok) where I could exchange those vouchers. Typically it was closed.
Again, Wesselinka rescued me. She was a Bulgarian student studying in Prague and, after a short tram ride I found myself outside the campus where she stayed. With the help of a few of her friends, I was sneaked in through a window and a glorious night was spent with a roomful of Bulgarian students discussing life on either side of that ridiculous and tragic Iron Curtain. On reflection I guess we all wanted to hear about The Promised Land on the other side…in the end we all got pretty drunk and fell about laughing.
Wesselinka and her friends saved me on that momentous night and showed me beautiful Prague the next day. Needless to say, it was different then!
Dec 9
Dots in December Tour. Day 5.
Wroclaw. A thoroughly enjoyable show in Poland and it’s clear we need to return to this friendly country more often.
In fact our first ever show in Poland was also in Wroclaw in 1994 and because we’d heard horror stories about the border and potential delays for hours we travelled overnight from Prague back then. We were (of course) waved through. In 2018 the border is so invisible we were not even sure when we’d crossed it….believe me, it’s better that way.
Dec 10
Dots December Tour. Day 6.
Berlin. A hugely enjoyable show in the superb Quasimodo Club a block or so away from where I left my passport in a shop a few decades back. If you think losing such a document amounts to a mere inconvenience, then I have to emphasise that it was a serious matter when West Berlin was walled off from the rest of the city before 1989. For the curious visitor it was as if two philosophies were shouting at each other across a grim barrier in those dark days. The subway (U-Bahn) actually went under the Wall but only stopped at Friedrichstrasse where it was possible to obtain a day visa to visit East Berlin. It simply rattled through the other stations in the East which were watched over by a single hopelessly bored guard in semi-darkness. Perhaps there was just that hint of fear that some foolhardy soul would surf on the subway train to freedom. Berlin….so many stories. I was once shown around the city on the back of a tandem by the late Great Conrad Schnitzler who kindly gave me shelter for a few days when I went to interview him. He even let me loose in his room filled with synthesisers and echo chambers. I love Berlin. I’ll be back!
Dec 11
Dots December Tour. Day 7.
Fahr’n Fahr’n Fahr’n Auf der autobahn all the way to Mulhouse in France near the Swiss border. In fact the second time we stayed in this town and I’ll relate the tale of the first occasion. It was around 14 years ago and we were set to play in a venue called The Elk Club on the outskirts of Bern in Switzerland. It meant an insane drive from Plzen in the Czech Republic but amazingly we were on time in the street where the venue should have been, but couldn’t actually spot our destination. Happily after the third crawl up the road one of us spotted a small neon elk’s head above a door and we duly piled in. That’s where the trouble began.
Problem 1 – there was no sound system. After a small discussion the man who seemed to be in charge agreed to phone around and find “something.“ As this needed time, we suggested a retreat to the hotel which led to Problem 2. You guessed it – there was no hotel. The club owner suggested we stayed at the club and pointed towards two pool tables. We suggested he found us some private accommodation as his budget was clearly stretched. This led to Problem 3 and a reasonable enquiry about the 400 Euro fee. Again the owner shrugged his shoulders and said we could have the door takings – if there were any. If anyone could find the venue. We decided to cancel and flee for a cheap hotel in France. To Mulhouse in fact. This just might even be the same one.
Dec 12
Dots in December Tour. Day 8.
Lyon. One of my favourite venues is The little red boat known as The Sonic which is docked on the river and has been providing sweet music for this French city for 13 years. It’s a city we know well by now so I’ll continue with my recent theme of reminiscences – and for me Lyon is all about food. We never quite know what’s in store for us when we are on the road and the first time we visited Lyon we were directed to a Cameroons Restaurant. Although it sounds exotic I remember the dish I had seemed a little plain and I jumped at the chance of livening it up with a little of that green sauce the waiter offered with a smile. Now I realise he had more of a devilish grin as I generously splashed this innocent looking liquid onto the mountain of potatoes. Imagine the heat of a dozen suns.Imagine the contents of Krakatoa flowing into your mouth. My scream was heard as far away as Marseille, Geneva, Beijing…
On another visit to Lyon we were sent to a restaurant where they had only meat dishes on the menu – and we were mainly vegetarians. The waiter proposed a special dish for us veggies and after a wait of 10 or so minutes he returned with 3 plates of white rice each decorated with a trio of raw eggs wobbling on top. We opted to fast that night. No such horrors at Le Sonic I’m happy to report. Off to Milan today for our first Italian show in a decade.
Dec 13
Dots in December Tour. Day 9.
Milan. It’s been so long since we played in Italy and the welcome we were afforded at the small Ligera Club last night lifted us just when we needed it. The fact is things are never straightforward in Italy and the stories I could recall here would make this entry impossibly long and a little hair curling. Therefore I’ll focus on our first visit to Milan back in 1987.
The venue was Heller Skelter – a giant squat – and when we arrived (late) it was packed. It had been a fraught journey. Our sound engineer Hans was in a tetchy mood as his shoes had somehow rolled out of the bus at a road stop and he refused to leave his seat unless they were replaced. The kind promoter brought him a pair of boots, possibly last worn during the Second World War. His mood did not improve.
After swiftly building our equipment we retreated for a quick snack with the organisers, only this was Italy and the food just kept coming. By around 11pm I was getting a little nervous about the giant crowd as they had been waiting for a long time. However, the promoter told me there was nothing to worry about and another hour duly passed.
In the end we insisted on playing and of course as we walked to the venue, many were leaving – some muttering ominously as they passed us.
At first the reception was understandably a shade hostile from the long suffering audience, but we were on form and slowly but surely we won them over. It was fever pitch by the last song. I was lying on my back on the stage howling, the intensity was almost unbearable and……..the power went down. The crowd emitted a communal groan.
Just a flesh wound. The lights came back, the sound came back and we decided to repeat the song. I was lying on my back on the stage howling, the intensity was almost unbearable and……..the power went down ……again. The crowd emitted a communal groan. Ever had that sense of deja-vu?
Dec 14
Dots in December Tour. Day 10.
Bologna. A seriously intense show at the aptly named Freak Out Club before an appreciative warm audience. Today we leave Italy but yesterday’s post told just half of the story of a memorable tour so long ago, so it feels appropriate to continue the tale.
The day after the Helter Skelter show back in 1987 necessitated a tricky journey from Milan to Ravensburg in South Germany taking in two Swiss borders and many enormous mountains. Even so, number one priority for sound engineer Hans was understandably a new pair of boots so before we left he went shopping.
Frighteningly the proposed departure time of 12 midday came and went and the fingernails of the rest of the travelling party were reduced to bloody pulp as another 2 hours passed by. Finally Hans appeared with freshly dressed feet and relaxed again after a lie in the park so we sped off towards Switzerland. When we reached Ravensburg at around 9 pm the entire crowd was waiting.
Despite this, the kind club owner (Ingo) suggested coffee before a swift load in of the equipment . That feeling of relief evaporated in seconds as the keys had been left in the van’s ignition with the doors locked. Thankfully a locksmith could be reached and 2 hours late we finally took the stage and duly played like a band possessed. Raging. Howling. Exorcising the demons of a trying week.
When we’d finished we almost fell onto our backs, waiting for that roar of gratitude from the 100 or so people before us. It never came. Instead, the crowd sort of nodded and some of them said ,”Ja”, before descending into a worrying silence. Heads bowed, we sauntered towards the dressing room feeling unloved and dejected only for Ingo to come rushing towards us, pleading for an encore.
We pointed out that it was eerily quiet in the Hall but the promoter was insistent. “They LOVED it . They didn’t leave….” How could we refuse him? So we went back , tore into an encore and the crowd sort of nodded and some of them said “Ja” . Then they left.
Dec 15
Dots in December Tour .Day 11.
Bern, Switzerland. The Dampfzentrale is surely the finest venue of the tour and we enjoyed a night of reunions with old friends including violinist extraordinaire Patrick who provided a delightful opening set. Thankfully it was a smooth journey too as there was always that niggling hint of fear hanging over us of being held up at the Italy – Switzerland border.
Band members and border guards make for a poor combination. For a start, never presume that the man in uniform possesses a sense of humour despite the frequent cunning ruse where he’ll give you a smile and say, “Ah Amsterdam! Do you have something to smoke for us?” Anything less than a categorical declaration that you have NEVER touched the stuff risks a complete dismantling of your vehicle, your bag, your equipment and maybe your soul. When they eventually realise there’s nothing to be found, they’ll gripe about you wasting THEIR time.
The French border used to be the worst before the marvellous concept of Free Movement came into play. Sometimes it was just plain sadistic, but there was also one occasion when I enjoyed a glorious moment of revenge.
We were stopped on the way to a show in Lille and I wasn’t in the greatest mood as I had a heavy cold. With no garbage bag in the bus, I shamefully must confess that my pockets were at maximum disgusting capacity with countless sneeze catchers rolled into revolting little paper balls. You know what came next….”Empty your pockets!” the man said.
It took around five minutes to fill the tray with used tissues, used bus tickets, sweet wrappers and the man pinched his nose and made the kind of “Poooooooooo” sound that only a French Customs officer can make. Visibly shaken, he broke into a mantra of “ Take zem away…Take zem away…” I politely reminded him of his request and told him that he could keep them.
Dec 16
Dots in December Tour. Day 12.
Amsterdam. Normally the last show of a tour is a bit of an anti-climax with all the best intentions somehow never quite hitting the mark. Happily, expectations were exceeded at the excellent Q Factory. It was one of our finest ever nights in the Dutch capital before a sizeable audience who rewarded us with their fullest attention.
Yet the day began a little ominously as we woke up early to find our van nestling under a thin blanket of snow. It was 8am and we had an 800 km journey ahead of us through mountains. Kind souls were texting me, wishing the band safe passage through the rapidly deteriorating terrain. Even so, for a band on the road, there is no other option than to go for it, however bad the weather is.
Possibly the most disturbing day on the road for us concerning the weather was on the first US Tour back in 1989. We were heading South from Minneapolis to Dallas on Interstate 35, otherwise known to some as Tornado Alley. By Oklahoma the sky had turned into a worrying yellowish green, the road was eerily empty and between the cracks in the static of the radio, a voice could be detected urging people not to drive.
Then we saw it. One mother of a twister across the plains to our right. The fear in our Recreational Vehicle was palpable, but there was nowhere to go except South towards Dallas. To this day I have no idea how far away that tornado was from us as it’s so flat in that American heartland, but I suspect our Guardian Angel was clearing a path for us on that unforgettable day.
Dec 17
Dots in December Tour. Day 13.
And then it was over…..On paper it looks like a quick spin around Europe for less than a fortnight. In reality, any sense of time becomes utterly distorted as we cruise across those borders. For instance when we chugged into Milan last Thursday, it was only 5 days after our single Polish show in Wroclaw – yet it felt like a month. It’s like every day on tour forms a perfect circle. It always begins and ends in the hotel lobby but the tension builds up in between, sometimes unbearably. Happily that tension is always resolved. As John Lennon said so wisely, “Imagine all the people living for Today”. No alternative when we’re on tour and I feel very privileged. Bless you all for following this Tour Diary. Now I intend to put my feet up for an hour.
