THE LEGENDARY PINK DOTS
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Release date and tracklist
December 24, 2018
NL MP3 Self-released on Bandcamp
- Chrystopia
- Chrystopia 2- The Closing Credits
Credits
The Legendary Pink Dots
Notes
Chrystopia
December the 16th, it’s snowing outside but all is quiet in Cubicle 19 in the place they call Chrystopia.
Only a few months earlier when Santa 19 started his new job, the queue of children stretched around the block. But as the days and weeks passed, the crowds grew thinner and thinner as those kids preferred to line up elsewhere.
Quite simply, the word had gone around that the other Santas were more fun. They seemed younger, hipper, happier. If a child pulled on a beard, one of those guys would simply remove it, laugh and offer it as a trophy before reaching for the necessary replacement. Santa 19 merely howled in pain and pleaded for the naughty child to stop.
Santa 19 was too melancholy for seasonal fun.
He sat alone in the Chrystopia canteen while the other thousand or so Santas loudly shared anecdotes about the customers, raised beer glasses and irritated the waitresses. Santa 19 was out of place and out of season.
You see, in Chrystopia it was Christmas every day! When the ice had melted, the seas had risen and the cities had moved inland, upwards and divided themselves with high walls policed by homicidal cyborgs, a powerful American consortium decided that it was a good idea to revive Christmas. Not just on one day, but 24/7.The doors would never close.
For a considerable sum of money, the consortium bought Lapland, covered it with an acclimatised Dome, opened an international airport, built habitable reservations for the indigenous population further South, and loudly invited the rich and worthy to indulge at a place where time had moved comfortably backwards.
Chrystopia…It has a ring to it. Chrystopia is COOL.
Chrystopia is pleasantly cool. Although it snows all the time, somehow things never seem to veer out of control. There’s enough for that pleasant sleigh ride, but no-one will be smothered.
Obviously such an ambitious project needed real living breathing human beings to serve the unending flood of guests, as cyborgs and androids tend to frighten the children. Consequently the consortium held a lottery and the first lucky 5,000 names to be drawn out of the hat were offered jobs with reasonable wages and standard accommodation, subject to a vetting process.
Santa 19 was one of the lucky few.
After being inactive for what seemed like a century, Santa 19 had a purpose once more. He even looked the part.
Could there be a better escape from the squalor and destitution of a sad overheated Planet?
Unhappily it took Santa 19 less than an hour to realise that Chrystopia just wasn’t for him. Sure it had the right facilities and was comfortable, temperate and always cheerful. But it wasn’t REAL.
Santa 19 WAS real. As authentic as the Northern Lights that danced on the Chrystopian Dome. As real as the ever intensifying sun that never set in the Summer and was always on the periphery.
Santa 19 (can’t we just drop the number?) wanted his reindeers back, wanted the friendly feeling of a sack on his shoulder, wanted to see the faces of children as they peacefully slept. Santa wanted the joy and excitement to return.
In fact his reindeers had been rounded up and shipped to Pittsburgh Zoo many years ago, but Santa’s brief tenure at Chrystopia coupled with a Spartan lifestyle meant he was able to save up just enough for an air ticket.
December the 18th. Morning. Chrystopia International Airport.
Santa took the plane but it wasn’t easy. His modest sack of toys was confiscated when an eagle – eyed security officer found a pink water pistol. When he loudly protested, he was shown into a private room and strip searched for the bottle of water he intended to use for allegedly nefarious purposes.They demanded to see his phone, insisted upon passwords for Social Media accounts and accused him of wasting their time when he eventually showed them a little red notebook with a tree on it. Even so Santa made it through the gauntlet and for 11 long hours they left him alone, and it was better that way.
December 18. Early evening.
Santa found himself at the front of a massive queue for Pittsburgh Zoo arguing with a caveman who fancied himself as an officer of the law.The man in uniform seemed to know just 3 words which he repeated over and over again like a mantra.
“No homeless allowed!”
A very weary Santa remonstrated passionately, pointing out that he had a ticket, that he’d traversed the planet to visit the famous zoo. He fell to his knees, pleading…..to no avail.
“No homeless allowed”
The swelling crowd was growing ugly. Children were screaming, parents were swearing, casualties were swelling and a fight broke out.
This was a cue for Caveman who summoned up a fourth word from his stunted vocabulary.
“No fighting allowed, No fighting allowed…”
He piled into the mass never to be seen again and the seething sea of humanity burst through the doors of the zoo pushing Santa to his desired destination.
For there they stood. His precious reindeers. His partners in joy. His ticket home.
There was no fuss, no drama, no incident. It was like the old days when a determined child tried to catch Santa on his annual visit. They only witnessed the aftermath, the consequences.
This time no-one was even looking, but in an instant Santa was at home in his grotto with a fire burning and his reindeers in their comfortable stable. Indeed… (sigh) like the old days again except that nobody was waiting for him anymore.
There were no childish letters and the toy cupboard was empty but…..
But this was ultimately an existence as empty and as melancholy as that cubicle in Chrystopia and it just wasn’t good enough.
Christmas was simply too important to be consigned to the History Books.
December 24.The Witching Hour and was that a Shooting Star?
Santa is surfing the Night Sky with a sack bulging with seeds from his magical cupboard. Arms stretched wide, fingers pinching, fingers spread wide as the seeds are sprinkled.
And deserts bloom, Oceans retreat, the Earth drinks deep, brown turns to green but they’ll only notice in the morning.
Yet still there’s more as Santa whispers gentle words of encouragement to his tireless reindeers.They gallop faster as there is so much sky to cover and Santa tosses the seeds upwards, sideways, seeding the clouds and it sounds like the night is applauding as it rains and rains and rains.
December 25. Morning.
One Hell of a night and Santa lies on his couch listening to his radio, enjoying an avocado and alfalfa sprout sandwich. It looks good out there. It sounds happy out there. It sounds happy almost everywhere…
Almost….
Chrystopia seems unusually quiet except for the Departures Lounge at the airport. An emergency meeting of directors and shareholders has been called. It looks like a long cold Winter could well be looming in Lapland.
EK Nov 2018
